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What To Say To Someone With Cancer
by Mary Olsen Kelly
Living with cancer is a confusing chaotic circus where everyone has an opinion about what you should do. They are absolutely positive that they know what alternative medicine, meditations, special diets, and attitudes you ought to have. If they were in your position, they would do it this way or that way. Not the way you are choosing to heal yourself. Anything but that.
Authors are the worst. There are many books about cancer; some of them would shock you. I have actually read that if I had drunk the wheat grass juice like I was supposed to, I wouldn't have had breast cancer; that various herbs and potions and compresses will take the cancer away; and that once you have done any western medicine treatments, your immune system is so shot that you will not be able to heal. How is it helpful to read something like that?
I have read that it is due to my emotional background that I got cancer, which obviously stems from the way that I haven't nurtured myself because, after all, the breasts are for feeding and nurturing, right? Also, I haven't given myself enough private time, I have given too much to others and not taken care of myself.
Then there is the approach that advocates complete and total life change, implying that your life was wrong, unhealthy, and caused severe illness. In this one you must leave your husband - he is certainly the one to blame - and go off and start a completely new life doing only the things that you have always wanted to do.
I'm not sure which of these angers me the most. Oh wait, I do know. The ones that are written by people who do not have cancer. And guess what, that is almost all of them. Louise Hay is the only author writing about alternative healing who actually had cancer. The rest of them? Perfectly healthy.
It amazes me that someone who hasn't ever been in the position of the targeted reader would have the audacity to write a cancer book advocating their own pet alternative healing techniques. It seems to me that if you haven't been there, you can't advise. It is as simple as that. If you haven't heard the words ÒYou have cancer,Ó you do not have a clue. You do not know what you would choose if you found yourself in the situation that we who live with cancer must face each day.
When you are given a pathology report that outlines the exact levels of viciousness your cancer exhibits, you know only one thing: that you want to fight it with the strongest ammunition that exists, and that isn't parsley paste. Ken Wilbur calls it Òwhite man's medicineÓ - surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy Ð cut it out, burn it out, and poison it. You're focused on saving your own life, or at least buying yourself some more years to enjoy this precious life.
So what do you do if your dearest friend or family member has cancer? You support their choice. You listen to why they have decided to take the course of action they are on, and you stand by them. You don't discredit the treatments, you support their ability to trust and believe in the treatment.
The mind-body connection is very strong and it is proven that if a patient believes that they will heal using a certain treatment, their chances are much better that they will heal using that treatment. You can be afraid with them, you can be furious at the cancer with them, you can be sad with them. But when it comes to the treatments they are going through, you stand by them and help them to believe.
Believe that they will get well. Believe that they will survive and thrive. Believe that you will too.
Copyright 2003 Breast Wishes Institute
http://www.breastwishes.org/whatosay.html
Saturday, April 21, 2007
# 18 Is It - ADD - ADAH - Or Is It : Convergence Insufficiency Disorder
April 17, 2007
Dear Abby: Vision exercises can correct convergence insufficiency disorder
ABIGAIL VAN BUREN
Dear Abby: Please help me get the word out about a common condition that severely affects children's ability to succeed in school because it inhibits reading, spelling and concentration.
My daughter, who was obviously bright, tested at first-grade reading level in fifth grade. She had undergone all the school testing for learning disabilities, plus two days of testing at a respected university hospital. None of these tests or specialists revealed what could be wrong with her.
My child's self-esteem suffered. Her confidence faltered; she began acting out in school. At home she was a great kid, until it came time for schoolwork. Then the battles began. She thought she was dumb. When studying, she could read for only a very short time. She often begged me to read things to her. When working on spelling and assigned to rewrite the words she missed five times, she often recopied them wrong. We thought she just wasn't trying.
After much research on the Internet, I came across a disorder called "convergence insufficiency disorder." This visual condition is the leading cause of eyestrain. Fortunately, we had the opportunity to have her tested at the Mayo Clinic, where her condition was confirmed, and she was successfully treated with vision therapy.
It was as though a miracle had occurred. After six months of treatment, my daughter is almost at her age-appropriate reading level. Her comprehension and retention have markedly increased, and her self-esteem and attitude about reading are much better.
Children with this condition will not benefit from tutoring, special education or extra help from teachers until the condition is diagnosed and treated. My child had 20/20 vision and still had this disorder. It's not routinely checked with eye exams, and schools don't test for it.
I suspect that many children out there are undiagnosed or misdiagnosed and going untreated. The treatment for convergence insufficiency disorder is noninvasive, effective, and much of it can be done at home. Please help me get the word out so other families won't have to go through what we experienced.
Angie W.,
Minnesota
Dear Angie: I am pleased to help you get the word out to other families whose children are struggling to learn. After reading your letter, I contacted my experts at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., and was informed that this problem, where the eyes drift too much inward (or outward) in attempting to focus, can also be present in adults.
The symptoms can include eyestrain, headaches, blurred vision, sleepiness and trouble retaining information when reading. Other symptoms associated with convergence insufficiency include a "pulling" sensation around the eyes, the rubbing or closing of one eye when reading, words seeming to "jump" or "float" across the page, needing to reread the same line of words, frequent loss of place, general inability to concentrate and short attention span.
The good news is: Vision exercises can fix the problem in most cases, some done at home and some performed in-office with a vision therapist. Prism glasses are another option; however, they are more often prescribed for adults with this disorder than for children.
Write Dear Abby at www.Dear Abby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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Dear Angie: Other symptoms associated with convergence insufficiency include a "pulling" sensation around the eyes, the rubbing or closing of one eye when reading, words seeming to "jump" or "float" across the page, needing to reread the same line of words, frequent loss of place, general inability to concentrate and short attention span. You see in the past we were able and allowed to call stupid people just that. Nowadays what with all the political correctness and lawyers bringing action for almost anything, we have been forced to create names for illnesses and diseases that simply do not exist. Take your dummy, for example. In the past this kid would be tossed in with the rest of the retards and ride the short bus. The special olympics would have been something for your kid to look forward to. Not now. Feel better? -Abby
Posted by: UnCommon scentss on Tue Apr 17, 2007 7:07 am
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Abby: Vision exercises can correct convergence insufficiency disorder
ABIGAIL VAN BUREN
Dear Abby: Please help me get the word out about a common condition that severely affects children's ability to succeed in school because it inhibits reading, spelling and concentration.
My daughter, who was obviously bright, tested at first-grade reading level in fifth grade. She had undergone all the school testing for learning disabilities, plus two days of testing at a respected university hospital. None of these tests or specialists revealed what could be wrong with her.
My child's self-esteem suffered. Her confidence faltered; she began acting out in school. At home she was a great kid, until it came time for schoolwork. Then the battles began. She thought she was dumb. When studying, she could read for only a very short time. She often begged me to read things to her. When working on spelling and assigned to rewrite the words she missed five times, she often recopied them wrong. We thought she just wasn't trying.
After much research on the Internet, I came across a disorder called "convergence insufficiency disorder." This visual condition is the leading cause of eyestrain. Fortunately, we had the opportunity to have her tested at the Mayo Clinic, where her condition was confirmed, and she was successfully treated with vision therapy.
It was as though a miracle had occurred. After six months of treatment, my daughter is almost at her age-appropriate reading level. Her comprehension and retention have markedly increased, and her self-esteem and attitude about reading are much better.
Children with this condition will not benefit from tutoring, special education or extra help from teachers until the condition is diagnosed and treated. My child had 20/20 vision and still had this disorder. It's not routinely checked with eye exams, and schools don't test for it.
I suspect that many children out there are undiagnosed or misdiagnosed and going untreated. The treatment for convergence insufficiency disorder is noninvasive, effective, and much of it can be done at home. Please help me get the word out so other families won't have to go through what we experienced.
Angie W.,
Minnesota
Dear Angie: I am pleased to help you get the word out to other families whose children are struggling to learn. After reading your letter, I contacted my experts at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minn., and was informed that this problem, where the eyes drift too much inward (or outward) in attempting to focus, can also be present in adults.
The symptoms can include eyestrain, headaches, blurred vision, sleepiness and trouble retaining information when reading. Other symptoms associated with convergence insufficiency include a "pulling" sensation around the eyes, the rubbing or closing of one eye when reading, words seeming to "jump" or "float" across the page, needing to reread the same line of words, frequent loss of place, general inability to concentrate and short attention span.
The good news is: Vision exercises can fix the problem in most cases, some done at home and some performed in-office with a vision therapist. Prism glasses are another option; however, they are more often prescribed for adults with this disorder than for children.
Write Dear Abby at www.Dear Abby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Post a Comment View All Comments
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Angie: Other symptoms associated with convergence insufficiency include a "pulling" sensation around the eyes, the rubbing or closing of one eye when reading, words seeming to "jump" or "float" across the page, needing to reread the same line of words, frequent loss of place, general inability to concentrate and short attention span. You see in the past we were able and allowed to call stupid people just that. Nowadays what with all the political correctness and lawyers bringing action for almost anything, we have been forced to create names for illnesses and diseases that simply do not exist. Take your dummy, for example. In the past this kid would be tossed in with the rest of the retards and ride the short bus. The special olympics would have been something for your kid to look forward to. Not now. Feel better? -Abby
Posted by: UnCommon scentss on Tue Apr 17, 2007 7:07 am
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